Job descriptions are written in a special language designed to make terrible jobs sound appealing. It's like real estate listings—"cozy" means "you can touch all four walls without moving," and "starter home" means "bring a hard hat."

Here's what companies are actually saying when they write these things.

The Culture Section

What they write: "We're a fast-paced, dynamic environment!" What it means: We're chaotic and disorganized. Nobody knows what they're doing. You'll get six conflicting directives before lunch.

What they write: "We work hard and play hard!" What it means: We work 60 hours a week and occasionally buy pizza. That's the "play hard" part. The pizza.

What they write: "Startup mentality!" What it means: We want you to work like you have equity, but we're not giving you equity.

What they write: "Like a family!" What it means: Dysfunctional relationships, guilt-tripping when you try to leave, and someone's definitely crying in the bathroom every week.

What they write: "Wear many hats!" What it means: We're understaffed. You'll do three jobs. We'll pay you for one.

What they write: "We move fast and break things!" What it means: Our code is a disaster and we call it innovation.

What they write: "Collaborative, open office environment!" What it means: You'll never have a private conversation or a moment of quiet focus again. Ever.

The Requirements Section

What they write: "Entry-level position requiring 5+ years of experience" What it means: We don't know what entry-level means. Also, we want senior talent at junior prices.

What they write: "Must be comfortable with ambiguity" What it means: We have no idea what this role actually is. You'll figure it out. Good luck.

What they write: "Experience with [technology that was invented 2 years ago]: 5 years required" What it means: We copied this job description from the internet and didn't proofread it.

What they write: "Self-starter who can work independently" What it means: Your manager is useless and will provide zero guidance or support.

What they write: "Detail-oriented multitasker" What it means: We'll interrupt you every 10 minutes and then criticize you for not being detail-oriented.

What they write: "Rockstar / Ninja / Guru / Wizard" What it means: We're a bunch of middle-aged guys who think this sounds cool. It does not.

What they write: "Proficiency in [15 different technologies]" What it means: We asked five different people what this role needs and listed everything anyone mentioned. You need three of these. We don't know which three.

The Compensation Section

What they write: "Competitive salary!" What it means: We're competing with companies that pay terribly. We will win that competition.

What they write: "Based on experience" What it means: We'll ask what you currently make and offer you 3% more.

What they write: "Generous PTO policy!" What it means: Unlimited PTO, which means you'll feel guilty taking any, and nobody actually uses it.

What they write: "Opportunity for equity!" What it means: You can buy our nearly worthless stock options at a discount. Isn't that generous?

What they write: [No salary listed at all] What it means: We know we're underpaying and hope you don't notice until you've already wasted four hours interviewing.

What they write: "Comprehensive benefits package!" What it means: Health insurance that costs $400/month with a $6,000 deductible. And a ping pong table.

The Responsibilities Section

What they write: "Manage multiple high-priority projects simultaneously" What it means: Everything is urgent. Nothing is actually important. You'll be stressed constantly.

What they write: "Some travel required" What it means: You'll be on planes 40% of the time. Hope you like airports.

What they write: "Flexible schedule!" What it means: You can work any 80 hours per week you want.

What they write: "Occasional evening or weekend work" What it means: You'll work every evening and most weekends. "Occasional" is doing a lot of heavy lifting in that sentence.

What they write: "Help us build something amazing from the ground up!" What it means: Nothing exists. No processes, no documentation, no support. Just vibes and hope.

What they write: "Opportunities for growth and advancement!" What it means: We have no career ladder, but if you stick around long enough, maybe we'll promote you. Maybe.

What they write: "Manage and mentor a growing team" What it means: Hire people, train them, watch them quit when they realize what this place is like. Repeat.

The Perks Section

What they write: "Free snacks and drinks!" What it means: Stale granola bars and LaCroix. This is our entire benefits package.

What they write: "Casual dress code!" What it means: You can wear jeans while working 60-hour weeks. Hooray?

What they write: "Standing desks and ergonomic chairs!" What it means: We have the absolute bare minimum office furniture required to avoid OSHA violations.

What they write: "Company outings and team-building events!" What it means: Mandatory fun. On Saturdays. You'll hate every minute.

What they write: "Remote-friendly!" What it means: You can work from home sometimes, but we'll passive-aggressively make you feel bad about it.

What they write: "Dog-friendly office!" What it means: You'll step in pee at least once. Also, allergies? Too bad.

What they write: "Cutting-edge technology!" What it means: We just bought MacBooks for the engineering team. Everyone else has Dell laptops from 2016.

The Red Flag Hall of Fame

What they write: "Must be passionate about [extremely boring thing]" What it means: This job sucks so badly that we need someone who genuinely cares about [insurance compliance / B2B procurement software / enterprise data migration] because money alone won't keep you here.

What they write: "Must be able to thrive in high-pressure situations" What it means: We're a dumpster fire. Everything is on fire. You will be on fire.

What they write: "Thick skin required" What it means: Your manager is abusive. We know. We're not doing anything about it.

What they write: "Recent grads encouraged to apply!" What it means: We want someone with no experience who doesn't know they're being exploited.

What they write: "Opportunity to make this role your own!" What it means: We have no idea what this job is. Figure it out yourself.

What they write: "Join a team of passionate, dedicated professionals!" What it means: Everyone here is burned out but too afraid to quit.

The Worst One

What they write: "This position is more than a job—it's a calling." What it means: We're going to underpay you, overwork you, and expect you to feel grateful for the opportunity. Because it's not about money—it's about purpose. (The purpose is our profit margin.)

The Bottom Line

If a job description sounds too good to be true, it probably is. If it uses coded language, translate it. If it lists zero salary information, ask immediately.

And if it includes more than two of these red flags, run.

Your mental health is worth more than a ping pong table and stale granola bars.

Sources: We didn't need sources for this one. We've all lived this.