Most people treat references like an afterthought—names to throw on a list at the last minute. Then they're shocked when a reference gives a lukewarm endorsement or, worse, reveals something that kills the offer.

Don't be that person. Here's how to actually prepare your references so they help you land the job.

Step 1: Choose the Right People

Don't just list whoever will say yes. Strategic selection matters.

Best options:

• Direct managers from recent roles (last 3-5 years)
• Senior colleagues who've seen your work closely
• Clients or stakeholders who can speak to your results

Avoid:

• People you haven't spoken to in 5+ years
• Friends or family (seriously, don't)
• Anyone who you left on bad terms with, obviously
• Your current boss if you're employed and they don't know you're looking

Step 2: Ask Permission (The Right Way)

Don't just slap someone's name on your reference list and hope for the best. Actually ask them.

The message: "Hi [Name], I'm in the final stages of interviewing for a [Role] at [Company] and they've asked for references. Would you be willing to serve as a reference for me? I'd really value your perspective on [specific things you worked on together]."

Wait for them to say yes before listing them. A reluctant reference is worse than no reference.

Step 3: Prep Them (This Is the Part Nobody Does)

Once they've agreed, send them a quick prep email. This is where you actually help them help you.

Include:

• The role you're interviewing for and why you're excited about it
• 2-3 specific projects or accomplishments you worked on together that are relevant to the new role
• Any particular skills or qualities the company is emphasizing
• When they can expect to be contacted

Example: "Thanks so much for agreeing to be a reference! The role is Senior Marketing Manager at [Company], focusing on content strategy and team leadership.

A few things that might be helpful if they ask: our work together on the product launch campaign that drove 40% increase in leads, my approach to managing the junior team members, and how I handled the rebrand project under tight deadlines.

They mentioned they're particularly interested in my ability to manage cross-functional projects and mentor team members, so if any examples come to mind around that, it would be great to share.

They'll probably reach out early next week. Thanks again—I really appreciate it!"

Step 4: Give Them a Heads Up When It's Happening

Once you know references are being checked, send a quick note:

"Hi [Name], just a heads up that [Company] will be reaching out to you in the next day or two for a reference check. Thanks again for doing this—means a lot!"

This ensures they're not caught off guard and can respond promptly.

What Your References Might Be Asked

Help them prepare by letting them know common questions:

• How do you know the candidate and in what capacity?
• What were their main responsibilities and accomplishments?
• What are their greatest strengths?
• Areas where they could improve or develop further?
• How did they handle challenges or difficult situations?
• Would you hire them again?

The "would you rehire them" question is huge. If your reference hesitates even slightly, that's a red flag for the employer.

The "Areas for Improvement" Trap

Every reference will be asked about your weaknesses or areas for development. Help them give an answer that's honest but not damaging.

Good examples:

• "Early in our time working together, they were still developing their delegation skills, but they improved significantly"
• "Sometimes they're so detail-oriented that projects take longer than necessary, but the quality is always excellent"
• "They care so much about getting things right that they can be hard on themselves when things don't go perfectly"

These show self-awareness and growth, not fundamental flaws.

What NOT to Do

Don't use someone who doesn't remember you well. "I think I worked with them?" is not the vibe you want.

Don't overload them with a novel. Your prep email should be 3-4 short paragraphs max.

Don't coach them to lie. If you have to tell them what to say, they're the wrong reference. Good references speak authentically about your actual work.

Don't ghost them afterward. Whether you get the job or not, send a thank-you note to everyone who served as a reference. Basic professional courtesy goes a long way.

If You Don't Have Great References

If you're worried you don't have strong references, get creative:

• Use skip-level managers (your boss's boss) if your direct manager wasn't great
• Include cross-functional partners who worked closely with you
• Ask if they'll accept LinkedIn recommendations instead of phone calls
• Be honest in the interview: "I'm happy to provide references, though I'm not able to use my current manager since they don't know I'm looking"

Most employers understand that reference situations can be complicated.

The Bottom Line

Your references can make or break your offer. Don't leave it to chance.

Choose people who actually know your work, get their permission, prep them with relevant details, and give them a heads up when it's happening.

A well-prepared reference can seal the deal. An unprepared one can blow it up. Take the 20 minutes to do this right.

Your future employed self will thank you.